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I'm on a quest to discover who am I and who I want to be. I'm here to help keep my friends motivated on their path to recovery... a path that I'm on as well :)

Sunday, February 28, 2010

PROM and Trainers.. fun stuff!

Heylooo lovies!

I wana start out by saying... I WANT A MARC JACOBS BAG SO BADLY!! GAHH!! lol ok just had to say that. Marc Jacobs and Chanel are two of my fav. designers.. and I totally can't afford them :( I guess I could afford a less expensive MJ bag.. but I would feel so guilty for spending like $300, or $400 on a bag!! YIKES!! If anyone knows of a place I could get a gently used MJ bag.. I would love to hear your suggestions :D

Ok, on to more pressing matters... I GOT A PROM DRESS!!! (pictured underneath) This is a major accomplishment.. but prom is a couple months away, so i'm going to keep my options open and not do any alterations for a little while. Dress shopping is soooo stressful for me because I never fit into dresses. I'm short 5'3... and apparently petite??? the only time I actually acknowledge that i'm not actually ginormous is when I try on the smallest dress size, and it still doesn't fit. I really just don't understand it... How can I feel so huge, but be a small clothing size? ED baffles me. The worst part is, that even with a small size on, I STILL feel fat! WHAT?? that pisses me off.. I feel like either the size is wrong, or I just happen to be the one that a 00 makes me look fat and no one else. Its frustrating because its like.. ok.. so if fitting into a smaller size doesn't make me feel small.. what will?? what is it going to take for me to feel comfortable in my skin???? ANSWER---> a personal trainer. oy, I know right?!?! When I was in Renfrew my mom set me up with a personal trainer.. and I relapsed shortly after... not saying thats why, thats just what happened. I am friends with this trainer, and shes going to be working with my nutritionist.. so I think it should be fine. I'm just a little worried because I do have a problem with over exercising.. but I guess since they will be monitoring me, I don't have anything to worry about. I'm not trying to lose weight or anything.. just tone up. I need to feel better about myself, and feel comfortable in my body.. so I think adding some muscle definition may help with that.. and help me accept the weight i've gained. Idk... thoughts?

Clothing has recently been a major trigger to me. I'm really having trouble dealing with the fact that some of my clothes are fitting me.. and not hanging off. I hate feeling like clothes are "touching me" ya know.. like not really really flowyyy. Idk.. I still have clothes from 8th grade and I just don't want to get rid of them because they still fit me.. but I feel like keeping them is also keeping me stuck in my ED. I should not still fit into my middle school clothing, nor want to be able to.. so I really should start to try to get rid of some of it.. its just hard :/ .....

Since trying on clothes makes me hate my body.. and just feel really low.. I decided to treat myself to this ADORABLE coral-y, orange-y patent leather quilted Kate spade bag! LOVVEEEE!!!

Side note- I have these dark chocolate calcium circles.. 500mg of calcium in each.. so its a really healthy treat!!

POSITIVE NOTE--> I'm doing really well food wise, despite my horrid body image atm :) Totally meeting my cals, challenging myself with new foods everyday, and trying to stay positive.

How is everyone?? Hope you are all doing well.. and happy NEDA WEEK!!!... i'm a bit late on that... haha.
Oh, lastly.. i've been getting a lot of questions on my formspring about my ED and self harm.. and for some reason.. idk, I kind feel like its my own little form of therapy! I feel like i'm actually helping people by answering their questions, and explaining some things about EDs.. It kinda makes me feel like I want to do something in that line of work.. like an advice columnist, therapist, or life coach.. idk. Just a thought :)

EDIT: don't forget to check out this awesome giveaway!!


Have an AMAZING week my beautiful girlies, stay strong, and keep battling on my little ED warriors!! <3
-A <3


  1. so happy you had a great weekend and found a prom dress - great color!!!! This was such a positive post!!! I too love Marc jacobs bags but agree - so expensive!!!! Hope u have a great week - lol aimee

  2. wow so great girl, you're going to have a blast. and btw. Youre so beautiful in all your pics! And I proud of you meeting your cals despite having bad body image. Thats what its all about. Not letting your feelings control your choices. You are awesome!

  3. loveyy!!
    First of all, you look absolutely STUNNING in the picture with your prom dress, so gorgeous girl! Love the dress so much, and your kate spade oh my! You look absolutely perfect, I know ed loves to f with us when we dress and want to look nice, but just know you are the farthest thing from what your ed is telling you, such lies. I see a radiantly beautiful lil girlyy, love you so much babe! alll my love! xoxo