About Me

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I'm on a quest to discover who am I and who I want to be. I'm here to help keep my friends motivated on their path to recovery... a path that I'm on as well :)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

ONE YEAR OUT OF TREATMENT!!!

Well my blog is called "for the love of fashion" so i feel like I should incorporate some pieces of my wardrobe!!





OH MY GOSH!!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TOO ME!! ONE YEAR OUT OF RENFREW!!!!.. for the second time... haha. For the past two years, around this time, I have been inpatient at Renfrew for two months a piece. blah :( ...But i'm determined for this year to be different!!!! I've had so many ups and downs since I last left Renfrew.. I did relapse.. but the past few months i've worked really hard to pull myself out of that downward spiral that I've come accustom too and know oh too well. I'm a senior in high school, so this is my last year.. and since I spent part of sophmore and junior year in treatment, i've really only had one full year.. and i'm determined to graduate with at least two!! haha. I'm so ambivillent towards how I feel about recovery.. every day is something different. I want to live, so really I don't know why I question recovery.. since that is the only way living is possible. I know that when I was in my relapse, I was told if I kept going how I was doing, I wouldn't make it to see many more birthdays.. scary thought.. and I think thats what helped motivate me to take control of my life in a different way. You know what I hate? No matter how many times I say I want a life, and I want recovery.. I still have that voice that goes "hey, wait. but you want to be skinny. Don't forget about being skinny. Why live if your not skinny???" ... WHATS THAT ABOUT MAN???? how irrational is that voice? SHUT UP ED, I'M TRYING TO FIGHT YOU!!! I hate how every bite of food I still feel so guilty.. the guilt is different this time though.. because not only am I guilty that I'm eating when I feel like I don't deserve too.. but i'm enjoying food.. AHHH!! What happens when an anorexic likes food?? I DON'T KNOW BUT I'M IMAGINING HORRIBLE THINGS!!!.. aka.. never being able to stop eating. I really like putting different foods together, experiencing new tastes and different healthy foods... I actually get so excited for my daily Trader Joe's visits.. I even have a Trader Joe's sweatshirt!!! :D haha. Alright, this post was a bit all over the place.. I just wanted to post about this fab. day.. its almost like a birthday in my eyes :) and birthdays should totally be celebrated!! :P

This is one of my fav. outfits from this year :)



Ok thats a lot of pics... lol. I think that will be all the pics I will ever post with me.. haha I wish I had one of the mannequins that I could dress with my fave. outfits and take pics of that.. :/ don't judge me too much please! lol

Hope everyone is doing well!! ( all of my like 8 followers.. lol)
xoxo
-A <3

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