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I'm on a quest to discover who am I and who I want to be. I'm here to help keep my friends motivated on their path to recovery... a path that I'm on as well :)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

SNOW Day take 2 and wisdom teeth woes

NEW NAME! yesss. if you all haven't already noticed I changed my blog name, and layout.. just needed a little change :) One reason I changed my title was because I thought it would be easier to find me since there is some other person with a blog titled for the love of fashion.. weird right?? Well yeah, basically I don't know how to change my URL.. its saying I need to like, back my blog up on a disc and all this crazy stuff just to change it.. so if anyone can help me out, or tell me an easier way to do it, i would appreciate it!!! :)

Alrighty, so today is the second snow day at school in a row.. that means.. NO SCHOOL ALL WEEK!! AHHH.. well.. i mean we had a late opening on monday.. so I just didn't go, and then tuesday was normal.. but I didn't go.. and then weds and thurs (today) are snow days, and friday we don't have school for pres. weekend!! hehe fun stuff.

I went sledding and "snowboarding" yesterday with a couple friends from the gym where I work... IT WAS SO FUN! I haven't gone sledding in so long, since like freshman year.. so like four years ago... and I forgot how fun it is to actually hang out with people haha. Its nice to hang out with people and feel normal for a little.. but then meal times roll around and it gets so stressful. I don't want them to judge me.. but i'm just not at a place where I can eat pizza and chips and be ok with it. I've been trying so hard to eat foods that are more "normal" and less acceptable to ED. I had sugared cereal, Eggo waffles, and I even tried Mint choc chip icecream. ED PRETTY MUCH HATES ME RIGHT NOW. :/ But I don't care.. I had fun.. and tried new things... and eating those things just once wont do anything to me. right????.. yeah i'm pretty sure i'll be good... :P

The picture below I took at a park near my house.. and the picture above is the parking lot at the KOP mall :)... I totally think these two photos fit in with this post.. not knowing which way to go.. needing direction, feeling torn.. well. You'll see.. read on.. :P

Now, on to something that I need some help with. I was suppose to get my wisdom teeth out yesterday, but it was cancelled because of the snow, so now I'm getting them out tomorrow. I've wanted (my ED has wanted) me to get my wisdom teeth out for so long because it would be the PERFECT excuse to not eat, or barely eat for a least a week. I know, awful thing to think about, but my ED has wanted me to do this foreverrr. He's thought of so many things like, getting my appendix out, tonsils, getting swine..haha, just lots of things that really people should never wish upon themselves.. that i've actually hoped would happen just so I wouldn't have to eat. The thing is.. Now that i've gotten on track and i'm doing really well.. i'm really torn. I'm NOT happy with my body at all, but i'm happy with my food choices.. and i've come so far.. I just don't want to go back to how things were. I'm scared that now that its actually happening I have to do what my ED has always wanted me to do.. but UGH I don't wana be pulled back in!! Idk what to do... Because the urge to restrict and lose weight has been so strong, and I feel like I can afford to lose some weight.. I just feel so gross with where i'm at. :( UGH I really don't know what to do... :( :( :( i'm so torn.

This is a short post, I don't really have time to write much more because we have to dig my friends car out of the snow!! :0 crazyness. Hope everyone is having a wonderful snowy day. stay safe! and warm.. :P
-A <3


  1. Oh hun, I've been having a hard time with that as well. I'm maintaining my weight now, but it is so, SO hard to think that I need to stay at this weight. My ED is constantly berating me and telling me that I can definitely afford to lose a few lbs (but don't we know well that a few lbs turn into 20). I've just been taking one step at a time and when I mess up, I just try to do the "next right thing". I'm really sorry that you're feeling like this. I wish I had some advice for you! Maybe write down the reasons why you are recovering and why it's important to recover and what ED took from you and when you are feeling like this, you can look back and be like, "THIS is the reason why I'm doing this. I'm not doing this for nothing...!" Hopefully someone else can give you better advice than I can.

    Wishing you luck,

  2. hey there!

    glad you had a snow day - I had a whole week off myself :)

    And in terms of ED, don't let him ruin the progress you've already made with one day of wisdom teeth getting pulled out! Think about how hard you have worked to get to the point where you are, and how much you would be sacrificing (going back to where you once were) for him. He is not worth it.

    Love your blog :)

  3. thank you for the comments and advice ladies!! Have a great day, and Happy valentines day <3