Oh craziness.. total craziness and mayhem. What am I talking about?? MY LIFE.
Good morning bloggers!! Or should I say afternoon.. because thats probably when i'll finish writing this.. as I can never stay doing one thing at a time! :P
Gosh, ok, lemme organize my thoughts.. Lemme start with a couple outfits.. and then maybe another top 10 highlights from the past few days.. explanations will follow
I wanted a pic of my head band... thats why I look like that.. lol ( gold UO head band, plaidish sweater, opaque tights, ripped Abercrombie shorts.. they are from 8th grade so don't make fun of me for having something from Abercrombie!! and my new black asic sneakers. ( the only way I could get my sneackers in the pic was if i sat on the floor.. still failed a bit though.. OH WELL! haha)
1. I LOVE RUNNING... and apparently so does this other woman..
2. Finishing my food journal this week! I LOVE buying new journals :)
3. Still upset about being told I only care about myself.. why is it that you care for others all the time, and the one time you try to help yourself feel better you get attacked?? :/
4. Missed school monday for body image again :( But went Tuesday, and am going today!
5. Had PB with every meal on Monday.. hehehehe
6. Went shopping.. again.. :P lol
7. Had the most work EVER at my job yesterday.. literally non-stop day from 5:55 am- 10:00.. then I got to relax for an hour or two and have dinner before bed.. OY!
8. Saved a ground hog that was hit by a car
9. Parented my mom... nothing new their though
10. Was TOTALLY freaked out because their were at least 7 cop cars, and cops standing outside a house with guns near my street.. don't know what that was all about.. YIKES
Now for Yesterdays outfit..
Beautiful bow from MAGGIE that I won in her giveaway, oversized UO sweater, black leggings and short dark brown cow boy boots.... those hairs coming out of my bun bug me soo much!!! ERG!!! haha
Alright, now for my explanations...
1. Running... So i've recently gotten back into running because the weather has been soooo nice, and lemme tell you.. MAJOR STRESS RELEIF!! oh man, i'm addicted.. which may get bad.. so I have to try to keep the amount I run under control. At least i'm not like this one woman though... ok, so, I was walking to school at 7:00am.. and this woman jogging goes past me.. then when I got out of school at 1:15 I was walking home.. and guess who I passed?? THE SAME JOGGER! WHAT???? Whether she had been jogging the whole time, or just went for another jog, it was still too much exercise.. and it honestly was a little triggering. It made me feel like I should be exercising that much, and i'm lazy and weak for not doing it. I know its not healthy, and will only lead to bad things so I tried to get it out of my head... but no such luck :/
2. I've been writing thoughts, feelings, and my daily exercise/ food intake in this cute little journal.. and by sunday, I will have totally filled it up!! So sad when you finish a journal.. but at the same time, I have such an accomplished feeling!!... and I LOVE picking out a new journal.. so fun! I love journals.. they are so pretty!!... haha ok, anyway...
3. I hate being told that i'm selfish... my mom use to say it alllll the time over stupid things like not emptying the dishwasher, or throwing something out for her. Idk why.. but that word just hits me really hard... maybe because i've been a people please all my life, and i've done SOOOO MUCH for other people.. which has greatly contributed to my ED. I'm not going to sit here and list all the selfless acts i've done, but I honestly am AWALYS thinking about other peoples feelings.. not wanting them to be hurt, not wanting a conflict to arise.. I mean my whole life i've cared more about other people then myself. In therapy I was always told " you need to be selfish and think about yourself so you can work on recovery or you will never recover"... so i've been trying to listen to my thoughts and needs more. Is that so wrong?? ugh idk.. I really need to get over the remark that I don't think about anyone but myself.. it was days ago.. and I need to move past it.. why can't I move past it????? Maybe because someone really important to me was the one who said it.. ugh idk :/ just makes me sad :'(
4. As i've mentioned, body image has been pretty bad.. and i've been missing school because I feel like people are going to judge me and think im gross.. which sounds so vain.. but hey, thats ED for you. The urge to lose weight is sooo strong.. but i've promised myself that I wouldn't step on a scale until my next Dr. appt.. in a month... so I need to stick to that. Plus.. losing weight will only lead to gaining weight. I'm not allowed to be any lower then I am.. so why try?? My team will just make me gain it right back. I'm lucky I got to stay at this weight.. why ruin a good thing??? ( just my thought process at work here.. haha) I need to keep telling myself those kinds of things.. because honestly, think about it girls.. you can lose weight all you want, but you will either die from it, or have to gain it back.. ITS NOT WORTH THE STRUGGLE.
5.-6. Monday I was really struggling, right when I woke up I new it would be a tough day for getting my cals in, so I decided to do something i've never done before, have PB with ever meal!! haha. Its a small, higherish calorie thing that you can add to any meal w/ out adding volume, to help get all your cals in!.. while I didn't meet my goal.. and have been struggling with meeting it.. I tried my best, so i'm proud for that, and I will keep trying in days to follow!..... Oh and yesterday I went shopping and got these two cute cardis.. one is bright yellow, and one is light pink... LOVEEEEEEE.
7.-10. Brace yourself... crazy day coming your way.... lets pause for a quick pic of a flower I took and smell the "roses"... as I take a big breath and begin..
Yesterday was the day I encountered the never ending "jogger"... stressed with work because I couldn't finish everything in the four hours I was there, went for an amazing jog, saved a hedge hog/ or gofer?? Had to tell my mom how to calm down and drive every 10 seconds after she backed into a little wall thing and messed up her car.. AGAIN, saw 7 cop cars with cops and guns standing outside a house near my street.. totally freaked me out because I'm always so afraid that a "bad person" will break in and kill my family/ kidnap or rape me.. I know.. i'm weird. Idk, I actually don't have time to really talk about this day right now.. haha, maybe i'll elaborate more in my next post.. Basically it was just a really hectic day, and I got half the cals in I needed... so i'm disappointed and frustrated... but going to try harder today!
Alright ladies.. super long post.. so thats all for now!! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY!!! Enjoy the sun and beautiful weather.. its so precious!! Love yourselves and the world will open itself to you!