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I'm on a quest to discover who am I and who I want to be. I'm here to help keep my friends motivated on their path to recovery... a path that I'm on as well :)

Friday, March 12, 2010

i wrote about weighing myself...i can't stop dreaming about it now and every time i dream i come up with terrible numbers... i think i just need to know??

If its really plaguing you that much.. that I guess I would just do it. But really think about your options.. do you really think knowing the number will help you, or harm you? It might be good for you to have closure, but at the same time.. you seem to be letting that number really control your thoughts right now, and you don't even know what it is yet.. so it may just happened that once you do know, you will still equally obsess over it and fall back into your ways. I would say do what feels truly best for you. I'm trying to not weight myself.. because no matter what the number is, i'm not happy with it. I'm not at the point I can not weight myself, because I can't afford to slip up at all, and need to stay on top of it, so the only time I will weight myself is when I have a Dr. appt to make sure i'm on track. Just keep in mind that its just a number, it doesn't define you.. and don't let your ED obsess over it.. lemme know what you decided to do if you'd like! xoxo keep trucking girlie!!

Ask me anything, don't hold back! :P


  1. I've been scanning your formspring and think that you are so honest and gracious in your answers. I think that your experiences, wisdom and kindness both on that site and this blog are helping a lot of people, and hopefully writing and thinking about these things is cathartic for you as well! Have a fab weekend :)


  2. hey beauty,
    i think not knowing your weight is good, becasue as you said your ed wont be happy at any wt. it is never good enough :/ and going by the way you feel and fit in your clothes or if you are feeling good about your appearance than that is good enough! it is only a silly number, so so hard to accept, i know. but you are so beautiful and no number could ever change that! i have a hard time, needing to know like in frew they made me do blind weights one time i was there and i would cheat and look, or nag the nurse the whole morning, pretty much crying so she could tell me! ;P so silly :/ but sad...well it is pointmess and if you lost ed is happy and then plays mind games, if you gained your ed is furious, and if you mantained its like your ed is telling you that you failed :/ thats how it is for me at least, and i know you can do this lovie...
    and as Ruby converse and curls said above i think you are so honest, and gracious as well...on your formsping and of course in person ;) b/c i was your roomie for like 5 days teehee! ;]

    love you loads

  3. Thank you lovies!! Apparently formspring is a bit corrupt though, because it hijacked my blog and wrote this post!!! lol But thank you so much for your kind words!!! I really do hope i'm helping people w/ my blog and formspring.. and I do think its a bit cathartic for me as well!!
    -A <3