Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Paris and London clothing/ accessories part II.. and a bit about my trip :)
Here are the rest of the pics from the clothing/accessories I got in Paris and London
I liked the clothing there so much that I decided to do most of my spring shopping while I was there.. thats why I have so many things haha. No more shopping for me for a whileeeeeee.... :D haha
Alrighty, Im gonna do this in sections because.. well because I always feel the need to organize things :P
Trench coat, blazer, and sweaters.. all clothes from my three fave. stores in London, Top Shop, Mango, and The New Look.
Dress, and tops
Pant legging things
Long champ purse
Bracelets, Necklace, earrings, head band, and ring
wooo, alright, enough of that :P
Now.. on to my trip!
It went surprisingly well food wise. I'm really proud of myself actually :D which is very nice to say for once haha. I met my ACTUAL calorie goals every day that I was there.. which is the only time i've ever been able to do that outside of IP... usually i'm a few 100 cals under and I call that my "bare minimum at home calorie goal".... :x.... but for short I just call it my calorie goal :D i know i know.. shhhhh. haha. The first few days were a bit of a challenge.. still didn't loosen up and try new things, stuck to safe foods.. but after a while I was like.. "screw it, imma have some french baguette and some dressing on my salad!" haha :P... and later in the week, that lead to "screw it, imma try some french chocolate, pasta, muffin, and a croissant!" WOOOOO!! :D I said in my last post that when I came home I felt as though I had just left Renfrew... and I thinks thats because everyday I challenged myself SOO much with every meal, and no exercise... plus I was with my family the whole time.. so it reminded me of all the family therapy haha. I was sooo ready to come home... even excited, surprisingly.. I guess because of that feeling.. but I really did LOVE Paris and London.. even if it did rain EVERY day. -_- I really missed my old routine and my job.. and the people that work their.. haha. They are really like my second family, I just love being around them.. and I get such a comforting feeling being at that gym. (not because of working out or anything haha) The only thing I dreaded about coming home was... the scale. DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!! I knew i'd have to weigh myself.. I just HAD too.. and I was SURE I wouldn't like the number. I mean.. look at the facts.. higher cals, less exercise, more fatty foods= HELLO WEIGHT GAIN. Now, ordinarily I would say (or want to say) screw it, who cares what the number is, don't weigh yourself because what you don't know can't hurt you... but I have another dreaded Dr. appt this week.. and I HAVE to know my weight before she does.. I just have to. So.. this morning was the day I decided it was time to put an end to.. or add on to my anxiety about the number. Stepped on the scale.. and.. that # was a shock. You know why?? IT STAYED THE SAME!!! LISTEN UP BOYS AND GIRLS, MY WEIGHT STAYED THE SAME, AND YOURS CAN TOO!! This brought me to TWO realizations..
1. ED is a Fu*king jerk and lier for telling me I needed to restrict all these years when CLEARLY its pointless!
2. You can eat scary foods and not exercise like a mad woman with out gaining weight!
To bad I still can't bring myself to not restrict at home. RAWR.
I've really been reflecting recently on what I want in my life, and what part my ED has... heres what I camp up with...
I want to be invisible, but I want to be seen
I want to be left alone, but I want to have company
I want to look anorexic, but I want to recover
I want to stop eating, but I don't want to starve
I want everything to stay the same, but I want to live my life
why am I a walking contradiction?... oh yeah, because HALF of that is ED, and HALF of that is ME. Stupid ED. GO AWAY!! I JUST HAD A BREAK THROUGH AND REALIZATION AND YOU'RE STILLLLLLL ANNOYING ME!!!
Alright, rant over :)
I hope everyone is having a lovely day, its sunny and beautiful yet again here.. hope its nice where you all are as well!!
Enjoy your Tuesday that feels like a Thursdayyyyyy!!! :P haha
Love you all, thanks for reading my blog and keep up the fight my little ED Warriors!!