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I'm on a quest to discover who am I and who I want to be. I'm here to help keep my friends motivated on their path to recovery... a path that I'm on as well :)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Paris and London clothing/ accessories part II.. and a bit about my trip :)

Cheerio, all!!

Here are the rest of the pics from the clothing/accessories I got in Paris and London

I liked the clothing there so much that I decided to do most of my spring shopping while I was there.. thats why I have so many things haha. No more shopping for me for a whileeeeeee.... :D haha

Alrighty, Im gonna do this in sections because.. well because I always feel the need to organize things :P

Trench coat, blazer, and sweaters.. all clothes from my three fave. stores in London, Top Shop, Mango, and The New Look.

Dress, and tops

Pant legging things

Long champ purse

Bracelets, Necklace, earrings, head band, and ring

wooo, alright, enough of that :P

Now.. on to my trip!
It went surprisingly well food wise. I'm really proud of myself actually :D which is very nice to say for once haha. I met my ACTUAL calorie goals every day that I was there.. which is the only time i've ever been able to do that outside of IP... usually i'm a few 100 cals under and I call that my "bare minimum at home calorie goal".... :x.... but for short I just call it my calorie goal :D i know i know.. shhhhh. haha. The first few days were a bit of a challenge.. still didn't loosen up and try new things, stuck to safe foods.. but after a while I was like.. "screw it, imma have some french baguette and some dressing on my salad!" haha :P... and later in the week, that lead to "screw it, imma try some french chocolate, pasta, muffin, and a croissant!" WOOOOO!! :D I said in my last post that when I came home I felt as though I had just left Renfrew... and I thinks thats because everyday I challenged myself SOO much with every meal, and no exercise... plus I was with my family the whole time.. so it reminded me of all the family therapy haha. I was sooo ready to come home... even excited, surprisingly.. I guess because of that feeling.. but I really did LOVE Paris and London.. even if it did rain EVERY day. -_- I really missed my old routine and my job.. and the people that work their.. haha. They are really like my second family, I just love being around them.. and I get such a comforting feeling being at that gym. (not because of working out or anything haha) The only thing I dreaded about coming home was... the scale. DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!! I knew i'd have to weigh myself.. I just HAD too.. and I was SURE I wouldn't like the number. I mean.. look at the facts.. higher cals, less exercise, more fatty foods= HELLO WEIGHT GAIN. Now, ordinarily I would say (or want to say) screw it, who cares what the number is, don't weigh yourself because what you don't know can't hurt you... but I have another dreaded Dr. appt this week.. and I HAVE to know my weight before she does.. I just have to. So.. this morning was the day I decided it was time to put an end to.. or add on to my anxiety about the number. Stepped on the scale.. and.. that # was a shock. You know why?? IT STAYED THE SAME!!! LISTEN UP BOYS AND GIRLS, MY WEIGHT STAYED THE SAME, AND YOURS CAN TOO!! This brought me to TWO realizations..

1. ED is a Fu*king jerk and lier for telling me I needed to restrict all these years when CLEARLY its pointless!
2. You can eat scary foods and not exercise like a mad woman with out gaining weight!


To bad I still can't bring myself to not restrict at home. RAWR.

I've really been reflecting recently on what I want in my life, and what part my ED has... heres what I camp up with...
I want to be invisible, but I want to be seen
I want to be left alone, but I want to have company
I want to look anorexic, but I want to recover
I want to stop eating, but I don't want to starve
I want everything to stay the same, but I want to live my life
why am I a walking contradiction?... oh yeah, because HALF of that is ED, and HALF of that is ME. Stupid ED. GO AWAY!! I JUST HAD A BREAK THROUGH AND REALIZATION AND YOU'RE STILLLLLLL ANNOYING ME!!!

Alright, rant over :)

I hope everyone is having a lovely day, its sunny and beautiful yet again here.. hope its nice where you all are as well!!
Enjoy your Tuesday that feels like a Thursdayyyyyy!!! :P haha

Love you all, thanks for reading my blog and keep up the fight my little ED Warriors!!

-A <3


  1. I am so impressed with how you challenged yourself on that trip. Good for you! Now you know you can do it...it's just translating the better eating to your home environment.

    It's great to hear YOUR voice, speaking up against the ED lies. At the moment you seem to be having a heated argument with it, but in time your voice will be the dominant one, and the ED will fade away into the distance.

    I've found that the louder and more often I shout, the quieter the ED becomes.

    Keep up the good work...and you have some stylish buys there ;)

    Sarah x

  2. haha, actually my Tuesday feels much like a Monday, but thats only because school started back up! Its incredible how our bodies adjust isnt it??? I love it, after going on a big trip like this you realize that as long as you really dont over do it you will be fine, even without the usuall excersize! :) Makes it easier for me to go on little trips without stressing. I love all of your clothes too!

    You are really strong, you are having all the right thoughts, just follow throught with them-i know you can!

    Hope your week goes smoothly! :)


  4. You are so lucky to go to paris!!!!!

    I am so glad you kept your cal goal, and proved ED that he LIES!! You kicked some major ED Ass, and I am proud of you! :]

  5. i'm so so so glad you had a lovely time baby :] your new clothes are SOOO adorable. i've been looking for a trench forever but i'm cheapppp haha so i'm waiting to find an ultra cheap one :] so proud of you for meeting your cal goals. <3 love you soooo much

  6. I'm glad you had a great time and were able to challenge yourself and try the foods :) All your stuff looks soo cute. Don't be surprised if I send you a message hiring you to do some online shopping for me! And those realizations you came to, I just discovered are so true for me (with smidge tweaks). In my group therapy session last wednesday I talked about how I feel so guilty when people worry about me... so I don't want to tell them when I'm doing badly etc. etc... but then someone made me realize that I don't want people to not worry! What if no one ever cared what happened to me? Uy such contradictions. <3

  7. I'm glad you got to loosen up and try the yummy local foods. I mean how often do ya get to go to france?? :)

  8. Sounds amazing! You did so awesome =)! I was able to loosen up a little on my trip, to Cuernavaca but not as much. That is really awesome. And about the #1 about ED so true! I just don't believe it when I am like at home/the majority of the time and for like the "Restricting at home thing" yeah same thing for me at school =/. ED is such a jerkface.