One week since my last post.. i'm such a slacker! Actually, i've been quite the opposite, hence the lack of postage.. i'm a busy bee!! I get out of school in TWO WEEKS!!! May 7th starts finals, and then when they are done we are out of school for 3 weeks to work on senior projects, then come back in June to present them and graduate!! I'M SO FREAKIN ECSTATIC FOR HIGH SCHOOL TO FINALLY COME TO AN END!!!! * angels sing * i'm beaming. truly :D I really never thought I would go through soo much during my entire High School experience.. I guess I never imagined my ED would dominate my life to the point that I needed to go treatment twice.. but, such is life!!
I really don't feel I have much to say at this point.. working diligently on recovery and mending relationships. Recently, another girl I was in treatment with passed away.. which was definitely a shock, but also a bit of a wake up call. I always think that nothing will happen to me because i've gotten myself out of the danger zone with weight.. but the damage to my body is done, and if I continue to practice ED tendencies, I could potentially die no matter what my weight is. I think the news of my friend passing also shook up a couple of my friends. One friend of mine has been having trouble with "dealing" with me. She is so concerned that I may die from all the running I do and strain that it puts on my heart, that she doesn't want to hang out with me at all. She says it would be to hard for her to have a friend die, so until I start to exercise less, we can't hang out. Honestly, I don't blame her. I know how frustrating it is to watch someone hurt themselves and be in denial about it.. but at the same time.. I feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have been working on not exercising as much, and have gotten a bit better.. but, its so hard for me to just STOP exercising once I start. Its such a good stress relief for me, however I always feel like their is MORE I can do, MORE I should do. I'm trying to teach myself that I need to stop after a certain amount of hours.. but, BLAH, its just hard! I also feel guilty about stopping the exercise i'm doing because i'm soo self conscious about my body, and I know that exercise is a good way to change the way you look.. so when I stop, I just think "if you don't keep going you'll never look the way you want." :/ ....I really do care about my friend though, and I don't want to lose her.. or die just because I was trying to achieve an acceptable body that may never be achievable.. so I truly am motivated to really control this over exercising once and for all!!
The body image thing is also a reason why I haven't been posting my daily/ weekly looks. HOWEVER, in an attempt to feel more confident about myself, I took advantage of the beautiful sunny day yesterday and had a little photo shoot :P haha. I'll post a few (a sh*t load) of the pics from it.. haha. they aren't very good because I took them with my lap top, and also it was very sunny, so that made them look a little fakey weird as well.. but, eh. w/e. I feel weird putting so many pics.. usually the most I put of each look is 3.. but I haven't posted them in a while, so I feel like is prob ok.. haha.
Alright, so the look from yesterday was black leggings (of course), black slightly above the ankle UO leather boots, black tank top, Nordstrom navy floral tank w/ frilly bottom (like a skirt) and UO grey cardi.
Like I said, lots of pics.. haha. 3 more!
Alright, thats enough of me for one post!
Hope everyone has a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY!!
Its soooo freaking beautiful out, I didn't use to like Spring.. but, now..I LOVE IT!!
Smile and treat yourself to something special, you ALL deserve it!!
- A <3