Before I get started i'll say a quick update on how my lovely Dr. appt. was. So, I had breakfast, then snack, then a water bottle, and then was ready to get in the car to go to my appt :) haha. So I got there.. and it was literally all over and done with in 15 mins. All that stress and worry I put myself through every time these appointments roll around for 15 mins... WOW. But anyway, got to my appt and changed into my gown.. ( i'm no longer allowed to wear clothes when i get weighed because I got caught tying a water bottle in the drawstring of my pants... hey i was desperate to make weight that day!!).. haha, and then stepped on the scale to see where I was at before my dr. came in. still not there.. but SOOO CLOSE!!!!! UGH!.. so, I sat down on the little bed thingy and tried to figure out if I should just accept that I didn't make the weight, or drink my other water bottle.. but honestly.. I was just too full to even look at that thing! My Dr. came in, weighed me backward.. (idk why she does this because she knows I weigh myself right before she comes in so I can see my weight.. ) and then gave me a look. Before she could say anything I was like " be proud of me!!! I gained!! look at the positive I gained!!.. SMILE!!!!!" .. haha yeahh.. i'm a dork... and she didn't buy into that either. She said she was "happy" but not happy enough, and that I broke our promise and she was NOT happy about that. ( I didn't break our promise!! I PROMISED I would try to gain to that number, and I really did.. I gained 7 pounds!! I think thats pretty freakin good!.!. butt head.. lol) anyway, long story short, she said she would give me more time to get to that number, and I promised I would do it.. and I WILL! so anyway, this was my thursday.. and then after that I went shopping and treated myself to a new sweater to make myself feel better about the weight that i'm trying really hard to be proud of gaining.. even though I feel pretty horrid about the way I look now.. :/ eh.... and family therapy was also really hard... I don't know how my dad can just deny everything hes done.. but.. I guess thats a whole nother story!! ... But i really like my new sweater!! haha! shopping really does make things better ... heres a pic of it.. and my kitty! (its kinda hard to really see it.. but it has double breasted buttons, its navy blue, and has a really nice collar... gosh i love clothes.. :)
... alright, so, its now saturday... not too much has happened since that appointment... still trying really hard to stay on track!... its just starting to get harder and harder... WORST BODY IMAGE EVER! I hate how body image has to come last.. because no matter how hard I work to gain the weight, or fight ed, if im displeased with the way I look.. i'm never going to be happy anyway. its so hard to keep choosing to eat and keep feeling awful about myself when I know exactly what I have to do to change it. ugh its so hard :(.. Oh well, since they say it comes last.. that means it has to come eventually right?! And i'm not going to waste my life trying to be pleased with how I look.. because what kind of life would that be??.. A BAD ONE!!
Alright ladies, i'm fresh outa things to talk about at the moment.. but never fear, there is always more to talk about tomorrow!! haha
Have a great rest of the weekend everyone!! take care, love yourselves, and stay motivated!! you deserve it!!