About Me

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I'm on a quest to discover who am I and who I want to be. I'm here to help keep my friends motivated on their path to recovery... a path that I'm on as well :)

Monday, October 18, 2010

LONG post.... hope you enjoy!! :)

Hey Kiddos!!!

Happy monday! Break out those reading glasses and close your facebook windows, because its time to devote your full attention to THIS SCREEN. :D

Life has been a bit crazy lately.. I've picked up more shifts at work and have been busy every day, so posting is on the back burner and probably will be for a while... SORRY!!!! :X I will still be posting.. and probably just as often as I have been now... seeing as that hasn't been too often.. hehe :P

Firstly, i'll start out with some looks pics from a while ago... I have a lot of pics from previous weeks.. so they will trickle into each post, along with more recent ones :)

Blue button up shirt, layered over a long floral shirt, and black leggings... my shoes aren't in any of the pics.. but I was probably wearing black boots or black sandals.

Alright, so to recap from last post, this is the list that I wrote out for you all on things that are updates in my life.

1. I got my boot of last wednesday!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!! Finally wearing a pair of shoes again!!!.... ohhh, how i've missed that :P

2. I almost told the truth to my Dr. ( i'll explain.. haha)

3. No more ADD meds... :'( wahhh!!!

4. My birthday was on friday (october 1st) and now i'm 19!!!!!!!! AHH!! I'm almost out of my teen years!!

5. I got a car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (pictures posted underneath, of course)

6. I get my braces off next week!!!! HOLLA!!!!!!! haha, stupid pesky bottom braces that no one actually cares about but me.. soooooo glad to never have to deal with these metal demons anymore!!!! :8 <--- thats me with braces.. haha

7. I get my license next week!!!!... I know, I know, 19, with a car and no license? What can I say, I like to take my time with things :D haha (fingers crossed that I pass the road test!!!!... parallel parking.. you scare me.)

8. I saw Jersey Boys!!!!! SUCHHHH a GREAT musical----->* I recommend*

9. I can work out again!!!!!!!!!! So far so good, no over exercising (technically)... lets keep it that way!!

10. I figured out what I want to do for a career!!!!!.... I think..? I mean can you ever REALLY know?...

... now, to elaborate on each of those things, this is the UPDATED version of this update :)

1. Not only did I get my boot off, I also returned the wheelchair I was given, NO MORE WHEELS!!!!!! HOLLAAAAA!!! :P

2. I had been lying about my weight in my Dr. appointment for weeks because I had to be a certain weight to get my ADD meds. At first, the reason I was doing this was because I figured there was no harm in lying at the first appointment, because I planned to actually get to that weight anyway, so no one would know the difference. Well, what ended up happening was I lost weight.. so tricking my weight was getting very elaborate and very out of hand... and on top of that I felt so devious and evil for lying like that. At my last appointment, I came clean and said I had lied about my weight ( truth) but then said I was XX when I was really X ( lie). Basically, I didn't want to tell her my actual weight because I knew she would freak, but I wanted to tell her I'd been lying.. so I told her the # I was when I first started tricking my weight.. before I had lost more. Confusing, I know, so hopefully you were all able to follow that.. but the point is, I told the truth, but am still stuck in a lie. I've been working with my N, and have gotten my weight up a bit, so my plan is to go into my next appointment totally honest with her.. explaining everything I just told all of you, and telling my Dr. my true weight.

3. Because I didn't meet my weight goal at my last appointment, I got taken off my ADD meds :( ... my goal is to ACTUALLY get to the weight goal she has set this time, and get the pills back. It sucks because I got to experience a clear head and a focused mind for the first time.. and then it got taken away.. so its a HUGE motivator for me to get on track with my weight goals.

4. SO YEAH, it was my birthday... yayyyyy. I didn't really do anything on my actual birthday.. but the next day I picked up my car from the dealer went to my favorite frozen yogurt place, and salad place with my friend.. so it was a good day :).... ( besides the fact that someone hit my car door when I was parallel parked.. >.< grrr)

( I woke up to a teddy bear with flowers and balloons :D... my birthday look was rolled light ripped jeans, gold(ish) tone belt, black shirt, black cardi, and espadrilles.

5. As I mentioned, I GOT A CAR!!!!! (pictures in the last post).... I love it :)

6. Yeah.. I mean not much more I can say about getting my braces off.. other then I'm really happy to be able to feel my bottom teeth, and not metal sticking out and poking my lip!! :D

7. I stated that I was going to be getting my license... well... I got my LICENSE this past thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!! *finally* So now I can enjoy my car alll by myself!!! I'm loving the freedom, sooooooo happy.

8. I saw Jersey Boys the night before my birthday... it was a GREAT musical!!! Here are some pics of me that night, and some pics from the show and the beautiful theatre.

9. I've been doing well with being able to work out again and not taking it to the extreme that I was before. (THANK GOODNESS!!!) I still haven't gone for a run because I'm nervous to re-injure my feet.. but, I've done everything else, and I'm sooo relieved to have this back in my life!!!! Exercise is such a stress relief, and really brings me a lot of happiness.. so, needless to say, I was a bit of a mess not being able to partake in it for months.. YUCK. I think working more has also helped to keep me on track with exercise.. because if I'm working, I can't take that exercise class in the morning, afternoon, and night like I use to.

10. Well, I've figured out ( from working at the day care at my gym) that I REALLY like working with kids, and I think I want to be a school teacher!!! Preferably elementary school, maybe first grade, but.. yeah!! Its weird because I have so many things I want to do with my life.. I want to go into fashion, photography, and now teaching.. we'll just have to see where life takes me, I guess!

Well, I hope that was a long enough post for you all!!!! haha! Lots of pictures... and updates.

I've been struggling off and on since my last post. I'm able to stay on track for 3 or 4 days.. and then my calories start to suck again... :/ .... however, the past 4 days i've been on track, and am working really hard to KEEP it that way this time!!! I don't want to keep doing this back and forth with myself, I need to do well, and try my hardest to stick to it!!!! I'm really struggling with the fact that I have to gain weight.. I'm at the point in my ED that I don't see it at all. I use to know my body so well that I could look in the mirror and I would know my exact weight.. but now.. all I see is someone who is huge :( Its hard to do the right thing knowing I'm going to gain weight, and my body image will just get worse.. but I have to keep telling myself that once I stick with it for a while, my mind will be nourished and adjust to what is TRUE and not what it THINKS is true..... I also have to work on BELIEVING that statement.. but I'm trying!!!

Last of the looks pics for this post.. this is from the day I gave back my wheelchair! haha

Ralph Lauren Red zippy, skinny jeans, short brown cowboy boots, black tank top, navy blue ribbon in my hair.

Heres some quotes and facebook status' i've written and posted recently to keep myself motivated..

‎"Tonight when you lay your head on your pillow,
forget how far you still have to go.
Look instead at how far you've already come."

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

"people should strive to be happy with who they are and not be obsessed with how they look. beauty is nothing."

One of my Facebook status'--> Everyday you have the ability to choose.  You choose whether today will be the same as yesterday, or whether it will be something completely different. You choose. Don't wait for change to happen, make it happen. Choose. ♥

Another one of my Facebook status'--> Mind over matter. Control your thoughts, don't let them control you. ♥

"We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it."

Have a great week everyone!!!!!
-A <3


  1. I'm glad you sort of told your D. the truth. I have done the same with my weight, I faked gaining 15 lbs so I could go to China!! Lol, i told her when i got back that it wasnt for real...I know, thats not funny, it really isnt...But you have to laugh at these things sometimes no? Well keep working hard Andrea, these days things have NOT been easy for me either, but things can change. They really can...
    Love you and your spirit!

  2. Hey hun, great that u were able to fess up to a degree, now opening up fully might not be so hard? consistency is so hard with this recovery thing, but 4 days is pretty good, and it is possible to go further, you know this.

    Happy driving!!!

  3. glad you get to work out again! It is such a stress reliever... just be careful and dont get hurt again! :)

  4. Hey! I just found your blog and I absolutely LOVE your outlook towards recovery. I am currently in a recovery from an ed and it is so inspiring to read about someone who is doing so well in recovery. Don't ever loose your strength because you deserve a life without ed filled with happiness and passion :)

  5. Hey I am not sure if I have ever commented before, but I love your blog! You really inspire me and although you have ups and downs just as I do, its nice to see that someone else cannn have ups and downs, and that they are able to pick themselves up! But your doing great and it was so great to hear that you told the truth, I cant even imagine how hard that must have been, let alone telling ed to shut up for a second while you did that, so major credit there:)
    Anyway, Ill definately be reading more and keep pushing through, I have total faith in you!!
    - Kimi