Hey hey hey, bloggers!!! I'm back from South Carolina (Kiawah) and soooo happy I went!!!
NEW BURST OF MOTIVATION= NEW BLOG LAY OUT!! :D
( I'm trying to stay focused and write this post.. but i'm watching Iron Chef and I really can't pay attention to my blog!! haha)
FOCUS A, FOCUS!!!!
okay, so a little recap of my trip and first day home..
It was wonderful staying with my half sister, her husband, and two children. I've never really spent much time with any of them, so it was great to be able to get to know everyone better. I spent most of my time with F and M.. F= my half sister, M= her husband :)... and we had a lot of intense, but really great conversations. They were soo supportive, generous, hospitable, caring, and just over all really amazing people. They also have a really great marriage, so that was really nice to se. I ate a lot of challenging foods and met my meal plan every single day, so i'm really proud of myself for that!! I'll admit, I was triggered at times because I felt like I was eating wayy more then everyone else, and much more often.. but I had to try to not focus on what other people were doing, and realize that i'm doing what I need to do FOR ME. We did a lot of my favorite things in just a few days!! We went on bike rides, went to the gym, did yoga and pilates, got massages, got manicures and pedicures, went shopping, watched movies, played board games, enjoyed each others company, went out for healthy food.. overall it was just an amazing time and i'm SOOO GLAD I worked hard to meet my goal weight to be allowed to go. It was worth it, and I can't wait to see them all again. I only have one picture from the trip at the moment.. so I think i'll wait until they send me some, before I put any up.
Now, on to when I got back..
The problem with me going away, is that I ALWAYS do well when i'm away from home and out of my routine... that said.. every time I come back.. i'm all disheveled and off track.. EVERY TIME!!!!!!! IDK WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So...the day I got back it was dinner time, so we went to Whole Foods so I could get some food for dinner. (I LOVE Whole Foods.. it makes me feel so safe... I feel like it radiates health :D haha )
STOP. PICTURE TIME. ... ok so I have a lot of pics I want to fit into this post, so I decided to throw some in righttttttt nowwwwww.
Striped black and grey shirt from London.. I don't remember which store, black wedges, and.... Lucky Brand SKINNY JEANS!!!!!... yes, I decided to wear jeans as part of my "learn to love your body" movement that I'm doing.. for myself. haha. ( explanation to come)... I have a really hard time wearing jeans because I truly feel like they make my legs look hugeeeee, but...... I think as a way to combat that thought, i'm going to chose a day and MAKE myself go all day in them so I can confront those thoughts and accept my body!
ANYWHO, so that night I got back I was fine.. but I found that my body image was getting increasingly worse.. I actually felt like I was looking heavier and heavier as the hours went by. It was terrifying. I kept trying to tell myself that wasn't possible.. but it was really hard to believe since I could SEE and FEEL it. Needless to say.. the more upset and self conscious I felt about my body, the more I started to fall off track. Long story short, TODAY was a great day!!.. haha, yes I was struggling until today.. but I had decided last night that I wasn't going to let the way I perceive my body keep me from getting healthy! I don't want to keep this endless cycle in my life anymore.. struggling, getting motivated and gaining.. feeling fat and being triggered, struggling, losing, then getting motivated again.. SO TIRING!!! Enough is enough! I have to just go for it and start every day with a positive outlook. No, I don't like my body.. but I don't need to tell myself that. I need to start telling myself that I AM thin, that I AM beautiful, that I AM worth recovery.. and ignore what my ED says. Bottom line, I want to be FULLY happy and I will NEVER be FULLY happy having an ED.. the most I could be is half because I may achieve the body I want, but the rest of my life will just go to sh*t. (pardon my frenchhh haha) Despite feeling huge and actually gaining a bit of weight, I still didn't completely meet my goal at my next Dr. visit.. so I wore my leggings... and water loaded again :/ BUT NOT MUCH!! I'm determined to meet that first goal, and I know I will because I'm going to keep following my meal plan. I'm not one of those people who says they have to do something and never do, this is legit, I want a life and I want to please my team.. so this isn't me SAYING i'm going to do it, IM CURRENTLY DOING IT. My trouble is staying motivated.. but i'm trying not to think about that at all right now, because i'm currently VERY motivated, and the present is all that matters!!!
The other day a couple of my friends from work invited me to go shopping, and then cliff jumping. The shopping part I was totally down for, but the thought of wearing a bathing suit while I was feeling like a giant balloon was NOT soo appealing..
I also didn't want to jump in because I wouldn't have enough time to shower before the class I wanted to take at the gym.. lol. I did end up going with them...but when they went cliff jumping, I just watched and took pictures for them with my phone.. lol. They did get a couple shots with me when they were done, so i'll show them too you!!! .. my friend asked me to crop her out, so its pics of me and cropped out people.. lol.
My outfit is my favorite black with little flowers, high waisted skirt.. with a satin, dark pink ruffled shirt, black belt, black leggings, and black sandals.
Next time they go, i'm going to jump with them!! I'm not letting my ED keep me from having fun!
I think the next post I do will be a fashion post.. I've gone on a lot of little shopping trips, so I have lots of fun and exciting new things to show you all!! I finally bought myself a Marc Jacobs purse before I went on vacation... so that will be one of the pics in my fashion post :)
Alright everyone.. this has taken me well over an hour because i'm just too distracted, so i'm gonna end this post!! haha
If you have an questions for me, feel free to visit my formspring!.. the link is on the side on my blog---> over thereish haha
Have a great night, and great week!!!! Stay motivated everyone, think of the goal, think of your hopes and dreams, think of your LIFE... you don't want your ED to be a part of it... so don't let it!!!